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How to know when it’s time to let go

Sometimes it’s hard to let go of the things that you feel were close to your heart at some point in your life. Whether it is memories or a person, finding the strength to let go can be challenging. It’s challenging for a variety of reasons. Maybe you just aren’t ready to, maybe holding on to what you know is often comforting. For a lot of people sudden change is scary. However, sometimes change is for the best.

Recognize the endings in your life.

Yes, you read that correctly. Recognize that some things have to end. You may want to deny it, run away, or even hide from that realization, but what you need to understand is that you are letting go of something or someone for a reason. It’s probably the hardest thing to do in the moment. So hard, you can’t even fathom attempting to. Recognizing is your first step. Your first step to letting go.

How to proceed (with caution)

So you understand that letting go is necessary. You begin to allow yourself to take a moment to remember and like leaves in the wind, the memories fly. Some scatter away, lost to the great unknown, and others litter your path. You might step on a couple as you continue down your own path. A slight crunch, might make you remember again. What’s important is to keep walking. Keep going down your path, it’s okay to stop and remember (healing and letting go takes time) but always continue forward.

Remember: We don’t live in the past. We only look back when we need motivation to carry us forward.

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Life, Relationships

How to break the cycle of bad habits

Everyone has habits, some good, and others not so great. Maybe you are trying to quit eating fast food, reduce spending too much, or maybe you just want to start going to bed earlier. Here is one scenario:

You have tried some rituals to get into the habit of going to the gym every day. For awhile it probably works. Five days go by and you seem to be getting into the groove of your new routine. Then the sixth day comes along and you find yourself skipping out on the gym because you felt especially tired after work. It’s only one day. I have been going for five days so far. Not going this one time isn’t going to hurt. Then the seventh day rolls around. Eh, I’m kinda tired today too. Tomorrow I will go for sure. Then tomorrow comes. You know what, I just need some rest, and going to the gym is exhausting. You soon subconsciously find reasons to prolong going to the gym, to the point where you find yourself not going at all.

This becomes a feedback loop of bad habits. Or a cycle of bad habits. What you need to do, is break that cycle.

Recognizing Your Bad Habits

The first thing you should do when trying to break your bad habits is to recognize which ones they are. Make a list of actions you make throughout the day and make a mark next to the ones that aren’t doing you any favors. By knowing what you need to change, you can begin to make an effort to see it through. When deciding what we want to change, we have to ask ourselves who we want to be. Do we want to be a person who is healthy and fit? Then going to the gym is the tool that helps us get there. Now we can start making an effort to go every day and break the habit of setting it aside for another time.

Breaking the Habit

Here is where you start the process of committing to your habit breaking. Perhaps you spend too much time on social media, when you should be studying. To actively break this bad habit, choose to make the habit inaccessible to you. Put app limits on social media. Turn on airplane mode. Shut off your phone entirely. Put your phone in a separate room. By making the habit harder to do, you are make it easier to ignore.

Consistency is key

Once you have established a routine, it is pretty easy to do the habit without needing to think about it at all. However, there may come a day where something could potentially upend your momentum, and soon you may revert to your old ways. What you need to do is to make sure that not only will that not happen, but you are committed to staying consistent. One way of doing in this is through a reward system in which you reward yourself for doing the hard thing for the easy thing.

If I do 3 hours of studying, I can then go on social media afterwards….. If I go to the gym for 30 minutes, then I get to go home and watch my favorite tv show… This “If _____ then ____” reward system, will motivate you to do the harder things for the easier ones. You will begin to associate studying or going to the gym, as good because you will be rewarded in the end. Your efforts did not go unnoticed. This system will be associated as something positive and will make it less resistant to reversion.

Be Gracious to Yourself

Lastly, be gracious to yourself. Breaking a bad habit takes work. But if you keep at it, your work will create results, and those results could very well change your life for the better. When you fall off one day, don’t panic. Just try again. Forgive yourself, and continue to try again. You are only human, and sometimes change doesn’t happen as quickly as we want it. So don’t feel discouraged as you begin the process. Making that first step should be commendable enough.

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Life

Why small talk is important

You’ve probably have in some way participated in small talk. Whether it was talking about the weather, making observations, or having small musings that you shared with a stranger, it is practically inevitable. You’ve heard the saying that humans are social creatures and you have probably seen your extroverted friends socialize almost effortlessly. For some, having small talk is an important social dance that everyone has tangoed to once. Sometimes it can be uncomfortable, but for others, breaking through that initial discomfort can be rewarding.

Small talk is the first step to discovering

One of the criticisms of small talk is that it is something surface level and superficial. It is something that people force themselves to do when trying to socialize. While some people do not mind talking about the weather, others would rather get into the nitty gritty details of life. However, that is not something people naturally do in front of strangers, which is why small talk is needed. Small talk is not used for the sake of keeping things light between strangers, it is also used to create that first contact with another human being. It is the first step in a much more meaningful connection.

Think of the first time you met a friend, a partner, or a coworker. Chances are the first time you talked to them, the conversation was brief and light. You didn’t start talking about your traumas, politics, religion, or any other topic heavy discussion. You tested the waters, talked about how you guys like the same band, realized you both have a beagle, or have been to the same restaurant before. The point is, that things did not progress in your relationships without that small talk. So although people can choose to cringe at small talk, it is important to see the bigger picture. Small talk is significant because it is the first step into building new relationships. Relationships that may or may not become significant in the future. So take that leap, revel in the discomfort, and talk about that lovely weather.

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Life

Why the love you give to yourself fulfills happiness

Days like Valentine’s Day usually call upon people to spend a little extra time on the people they care about. The holiday is usually equated with couple buying flowers, chocolates, and gifts to one another. Over the years Valentine’s Day has shifted to the love that comes from familiar and unexpected places. It can be celebrated with family, friends, pets, or even that stranger you smile to at the grocery store.

Love should be celebrated

For whatever reason, we may find ourselves not being able to celebrate the big day in the way we would have wanted. Maybe we’ve lost someone, had a friendship break up, estranged from family, or have been single for quite some time. Your reasons are yours to keep. However, it doesn’t mean that we can’t find our own small ways to celebrate the joy of love. Love should be celebrated in any capacity and sometimes the love we find is right under our nose the whole time. It says, “Here I am, it’s me!” and you find yourself thinking, did that come from me? Why yes it did.

Celebrate Yourself

When we celebrate ourselves and the love we hold for our own being we find happiness. The things you would want from other people can be given to yourself. Want flowers? Go buy those flowers. Want care and attention? Schedule a self care day and dedicate the whole day to you. You will find that once you start building a relationship with your own self, the love you give to others will now be treasured by you. You will be giving and receiving, and being able to partake in both can spark happiness. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about spending the day with another person, especially when it may not be an option at the moment, you can focus inwards and give the love you would have given to yourself.

We are all trying to love and be loved in some way. The love you have for you is something that will not change. It goes with you wherever you go, and grows when you water it. Give yourself credit for the love you give and the love you deserve. Gift it to yourself and watch as you find confidence and radiance in its glow.

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Relationships

How to change your career and life path

When we were kids and someone asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up, we often thought of something like an astronaut, doctor, movie star, singer, or my personal favorite knife juggler at the circus. No career was too extreme in our childlike mind. We could reach for the stars. Some of us did reach for those very stars and some of us may have landed amongst the clouds. Still a long way from home, almost within reach, but now some of us are kinda looking at those comets passing by. How about that moon? Is that a black hole? Oh we have gone too far… Where are we?

Yup, you’ve guessed it. You have become lost. You remembered what you wanted before and now it seems almost unattainable. Is it even worth it? You might ask. What if I’m too old? Another thought nudges you. Or worse, What if I am not good enough? Okay. We get it, we get it. So here we are, hovering in space with our thoughts swimming around us as our little planet and solar system swims throughout the milky way.

You might be wondering why you are so lost, looking back at all the steps you made. Careful twists and turns, steering and guiding you to meet your destination today. Now you begin to ponder, maybe you don’t get paid enough. Maybe your career is something you settled with. For whatever reason, you aren’t happy where you are, and you are looking for a change. I’m here to tell you right now that change is good. Often times, we want change but we are afraid to take that first step. Whether it is going back to school, quitting your job, or initiating a break up. It’s scary stuff. The thing is, it doesn’t have to be. Change can be exciting. Moving, even. It forces us to prioritize ourselves, our needs, and our own happiness, and shouldn’t that be the ultimate goal in life? To be happy? If the word change is scary, then what about happy? The first step you take in making that change is really the first step to being happy.

When we break past that first barrier, we begin to put trust in ourselves. Hey I did it! I did the scary thing! Congratulate yourself, celebrate your voyage to fulfillment. You begin to think about how because you were able to do the hard, scary thing, and now you are capable of anything. When it comes to changing your career, it’s a hard thing. What if you just finished years of law school, only to realize you didn’t really like being lawyer, now you’re looking at being a florist, it’s what you always wanted, and now you are kicking yourself in the foot. But I’m settled, I have a good job, I have a family. The problem with that thinking is that you have decided to put everyone else’s needs above your own. Although it’s good to think of others, it’s not good to think of others at the detriment of your own happiness. My motto in life, is do what makes you happy. Share what makes you happy. Let your family know. Ease yourself and the people around you into letting them understand that Hey, I’m going for it! Let others guide, help, or support you.

Do a lot of research, Put in the work

Find out what it is you need to get the ball going. You want to be a nurse? Begin nursing school. Where can I get the money? Check your local schools, check financial aid, and ask about options to finance your schooling. It may seem daunting, but everyone who chose the career you are trying to attain made those same choices. Now it is time to make yours. Making change means putting in the work. Find a way in. When you want something bad enough, you have to want it more than anything. It is not enough to just want change to happen, you have to make it happen. Look at your options, and find the way in.

Discipline is key. When you find yourself in the thick of it, remember why you chose to be. Those dreams of being the best chef in Boston aren’t going to happen overnight unless you work at it every single day. There may be days where you feel tired, you might even begin to slack off by binge watching The Bear, and slowly started to distract yourself from work. Remember, it’s good to take breaks, your body needs it! But remember your path, find a healthy outlet. Journal your thoughts, do some calm meditation and when you feel good, get back in. You got this.

You are not old, you are in your prime

One thing to understand right away is that you are never too old to start over again. You’ve heard of J. K. Rowling finding success with Harry Potter in her 30s, or Toni Morrison writing her first novel at 40, or Julia Child writing her first cookbook at 50. Age has no limit on what you can accomplish. The time to start is now. Think of where you could be tomorrow. You thought about making a change, you applied to your degree program and added classes. Tomorrow you wake up realizing you are on your way. It all started because of that one moment. That moment is now.

You might mourn lost time, but the problem is focusing on the past rather than the present and the future. Let go of your mistakes, sometimes life leads us to different pathways to discover who we are so that we are prepared for moments like these. Our time is now. What is meant for you has found you now at this point in time. From the moment you had wanted to create change was the moment you became ready for change. Also, who’s to say that the time you spent working at a balloon shop was a waste of time? Maybe you met a great coworker there, maybe it made you understand how to work with people through customer service. There’s always something to take away from an experience. You did not lose anything, you gained something. Use that to your advantage and let it propel you forward.

You are more than enough.

There’s a period there for a reason. You are more than enough. Full stop.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Another topic that will be explored in my next post. You have what it takes to make your dreams a reality. With time on your side (you’re in your prime!), dedication and discipline (you got this!), and being your authentic self (seriously, there is only one you, amazing isn’t?), why wouldn’t you be able to shoot for the moon? Or at least land among the stars?

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Career
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