Life

Why you should celebrate your birthday every year

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Birthdays have always been a really special day in my perspective. It is the one day of the year dedicated exclusively to celebrating you and the fact that you exist. I have always cherished my birthdays especially because the years seem to fly by so quickly.

It’s a good time to reflect on how far you have come. It’s also a time to set forth intentions for a new year of living. What can you work on? How do you want to spend your time? What mistakes can you learn from? It’s a time to reassess and realize the things you know, now that you are a little bit older and (hopefully) wiser.

Is it another day?

Some people treat their birthdays like it’s just another day. I have had coworkers and friends tell me they either worked or did absolutely nothing on their birthday. Sometimes I found it heartbreaking, You exist. I want to say, You’re here, and you’re alive, and we get to be involved in this great miracle called life and it’s just another day?

It deeply puzzled me. However, sometimes they truly seemed happy with the way they spent their day. To them, they celebrate the fact that they exist by being present and doing the things they would normally do anyways.

From my little sister Marissa’s 15th birthday party

But why not treat yourself in some way? Your birthday only comes once a year. It is the only time where you can truly feel special and no one can say anything about it. You don’t have to feel guilty over allowing yourself to give and receive (to yourself).

The memories that you will share are reason enough to go out and do something. Whether it is going to a place you have wanted to visit for the longest time, trying something new, or watching that movie you’ve been meaning to watch. The ideas are endless.

Life isn’t short, our time is

Who knows how long our time here is. It’s important to find joy in the fact that we made it another day. We got to wake up in the morning and experience life all over again. These are mini blessings that we take for granted.

Our birthdays are a time to practice reflection, to practice gratitude, to celebrate another year come and gone and the wish to experience many more after. It is also a time for the people around you to appreciate you and spend time with you. As someone who is big on giving hand written cards for birthdays, I find it the perfect opportunity to go into detail about how much the person is appreciated and loved.

My sister Angie celebrating her dog’s 1st birthday with a dog edible cake

As an aside, my birthday is coming up (the reason for this week’s topic), and I have been feeling really reflective about my life so far. I find myself happy about certain milestones. I find motivation to continue to make more progress to my own personal goals.

I am happy to get to reach another year. For some people my age (especially women), turning older seems like a scary thing. I can understand why to some extent. However, getting older is the natural course of the world and there should be nothing scary about it!

Each year is a new stage

There will be moments as you get older where your priorities will shift. A lot of ego deaths as well. The things that seemed to matter to you so much when you were younger don’t seem to be that important any more.

You find interesting new desires and things you would rather accomplish and your purpose becomes sharper. Getting older isn’t scary. It is enlightening. You get to experience for the first time adulthood. Something that was so mysterious to you as a child becomes fun and exciting as you age.

Balloons from my 29th birthday

It also helps when you are surrounded by older women in your life who seem to age so gracefully. You realize you can only get better from here on out, and that’s the secret to birthdays. Birthdays are a signifier of accomplishing and completely another stage of life.

So for those thinking of not doing anything this year or the next, I implore you to at least try doing something for yourself. At least once. You are too important and your presence matters to everyone around you. Walk with pride in being part of this amazing experience of living and changing.

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Life, Self Care

Explaining “The Winter Arc” and why people do it

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You may have seen this phrase across social media. I myself have only seen it a couple times. The Winter Arc. What is it? And why is everyone talking about it?

In truth, this phrase was not something I would expect to discuss. However, after talking about it with a friend, I found it an interesting topic to delve into. What is it? You may have guessed that it has something to do with the coming winter season and that an arc has to do with a portion of a story that may be coming to an end.

At least that is what I have come to insinuate. It may be something altogether more, depending on who is interpreting it. For my friend, for example, he has come to understand the phrase as a time to regain focus on ending the year (or the winter season/last couple months of the year) on goals and finishing the year strong.

So why is everyone doing it?

Much like those who take the new year to define a “new them”, this case of The Winter Arc is about challenging yourself to finish doing the things you set out to do in the beginning of the year. Kind of like finishing a marathon with a final push. It’s a very motivating message to those who may have been struggling throughout the year.

The Winter Arc in a sense, is an underdog tale or part of a finale to the redemption story. For those who feel like the main character of their lives, their story will come full circle by the end. No matter how the year began, or how it went, there is still time for those who would like to achieve what they thought impossible.

Even if you did accomplish so much, it’s good to look back and try to challenge yourself to do more. A lot can happen in a month, imagine where you will be in three. So to those hoping to look for inspiration on breaking bad habits, achieving new ones, or hitting their goals. Use “The Winter Arc” to help propel yourself forward.

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Life, Productivity

What good can come from a white lie?

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Do you ever think of yourself as an honest person? Someone who always tells the truth regardless of what may happen? Just by asking yourself that question alone, you may have thought of instances where you may have told a white lie.

What is a white lie?

A white lie is a lie about something small or unimportant to avoid hurting another person.* For those who try their best to be as honest as possible, this may seem unthinkable. However, you may not even notice you create white lies all the time.

One example I noticed is when a friend and I went to try out a new restaurant. After sitting down to order some food, my friend told me he did not find it very good. The owner of the restaurant came to our table to ask us how we liked the food. Without missing a beat, my friend told him it was very good!

Confused by this lie, I listened to them conversate and then afterwards asked why he lied. He told me that he wanted to make that man’s day. The owner had come to our table happily asking us what we thought and instead of giving blunt feedback, he was given reassurance in that moment.

When is it necessary to lie?

You would likely answer never. It is never okay to lie. What about a white lie? As we defined above, these lies are used to avoid hurting someone else. For my friend, he chose to do this to avoid hurting the restaurant owner’s feelings. Instead, he chose to make a negative food experience into a positive one by offering words of encouragement to someone else.

Maybe it wasn’t true but it was kind. Spreading kindness whenever you can, is what may constitute a reason to let a white lie slip. Even though we may not be truthful in that moment, would it really be so terrible to spare someone’s feelings and make their day a little brighter?

If the lie creates more good than bad, wouldn’t that be reason enough to tell it? So what good can from a white lie? The goodness comes from making someone happy, by spreading kindness, and by being good to those who are out there at least trying.

*White lie definition

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/white%20lie

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Life, Relationships

How to choose happiness every day

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I had a conversation with someone close to me who recounted about a loved one who is going through a hard time. They told me that they are feeling unhappy with where they are in life and that they are unhappy with themselves and their choices. It was hard to hear, especially when the news is about a loved one.

I thought about the ways I could help them. I thought of giving them a huge spiel about how great they are. How it doesn’t do well to dwell on past mistakes. I wanted to give them a little light to take them out of that dark place. This is what I planned to say to them.

Happiness isn’t just handed to you, you have to choose it.

I am a firm believer in the ability to find happiness in anything or any situation. You cannot simply wait for something to happen that will give you happiness. If you tell yourself, Oh, I’ll be happy once I do ___ or when I have ___I will finally be happy. Happiness is not found in objects or constructs. Happiness starts with you.

It’s okay to strive for the things that you feel will truly make you happy. However, you cannot rest your happiness on whether they will come or not. By doing so, you delay your own happiness. You have to choose to be happy every day. It can be easy to when you practice gratitude or indulge in the people, places, or experiences that provide that happiness.

Happiness is not just a feeling, it’s a mindset.

Have you ever met people that just exude unbridled joy? Their presence seemed to fill the whole room with a positive feeling, and you found yourself catching secondhand happiness? Well, guess what. Their lives aren’t perfect. No one’s is! They aren’t happy because they have everything they want, they are happy because they choose to be.

Instead of falling back into negative emotions, thoughts, or situations. Practice steering your thoughts in a positive direction by looking for the good. You missed your bus? Ah, it happens, you just have to catch the next one. You failed a test? That’s okay, just review and do better next time. Someone is making you feel awful? Let them go, and remember the people that cherish you.

Of course, some situations can be truly upsetting. It’s important to find a good support system if you believe you need it. Seek enriching activities that will improve a positive mindset and tend to your mental health. We all have our own daily battles, but don’t forget to look for the good and choose the path of joy. It may take a couple tries, but soon being happy won’t just be a choice, it’ll be your default setting.

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Life, Self Care

How to help people (in the best way possible)

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Awhile ago, I was reading an article in The New York Times* that made me think about the way people react to the problems presented to them. This is specifically referring to when a person is venting their frustrations to you and you find yourself either doing one of two things. Finding solutions or giving comfort.

For some, finding a solution is much more of an appropriate response to someone venting whereas others tend to extend comfort by offering to listen. You may have already figured out which kind you are. While it is great to offer solutions or comfort, it is important to always ask the person who is presenting the problem what they want in that moment.

To some people, they don’t want to hear solutions, they want to feel comforted and heard. While others try to find solutions to fix the problems they struggle with. By asking people if they want advice or comfort, you will be able to help them better in that moment.

What about if you are the one with the problem?

If you are the one conferring with others about a problem you are having and instead of being given what you need in that moment you are getting something else, consider simply telling the person what you need. Hey, I have a problem with ___ can you give me some advice? Or, ___ happened today, I don’t need advice but I just want to talk about it. Do not be afraid of communicating your needs!

Similarly, sometimes it’s hard for some people to give you what you want in that moment. Figuring out how to identify which role a person is able to fill when you need solutions or a hug can also allow your relationships to flow more naturally.

Communicating what you need and what you are being asked for, will help you navigate those tough conversations. Remember, the main goal is to walk away feeling like something was achieved to soothe those worries so that you will feel lighter than you did before.

*Link to The New York Times article https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/07/well/emotions-support-relationships.html

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Life, Relationships
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