Life

Why life needs to fall apart for it to get better

Have you ever had a really bad day? Where it felt like everything that could go wrong, did?

I had one of those exact days a while ago. It felt like the universe seemed to have it out for me. Chances are you have thought similarly when things go left. Why me? We tend to ask ourselves. The problem with that sort of thinking is one of two reasons. First, is believing that you are at fault for the things you cannot change. Second, is believing you are the only person in the world who has ever had such a rough day.

Nothing is wrong with you.

I want to preface this topic by saying that. Nothing is wrong with you! Sometimes life happens, and it may happen to us at the most inopportune moments. Maybe we had a lot of hope or expectations that were completely destroyed with just a few words or actions. It doesn’t mean we should beat ourselves up over it. My motto is, is to never think of the “should have’s” or the “would not’s”. It’s best not to regret the path you have chosen but instead, to work with what you got. We can’t change our past or what happens to us, all we can do is to change how we think about where we are at in our present moments.

Remember, life gets us all.

It’s very easy to feel defeated by life’s hurdles and it’s perfectly okay to cry, rant, or break a plate or two about it. However, just know that even if things seem to be falling apart everywhere you look, just know you will get through this. There was a time where you felt at peace before the big bad day, and there will be a time of peace after. We get through these tough times one day at a time. It may feel like there is no end in sight, but the end will come. Sometimes things fall apart around us so that we may be able to learn from our experiences. Sometimes it makes us learn things about ourselves as well.

The good ending.

Think of your most worst days, your worst moments. That painful break up, a fight between friends, when you broke your arm, etc. It felt terrible in the moment but sooner or later the pain subsided. You became whole again, your previous worries all but dissipated. That is what will happen after your bad day. Whatever happened, it won’t hurt as much in one week, 3 months, or 10 years from now. So don’t worry about your current pain, it is only here temporarily. It is okay to let yourself cry and fall apart just for a moment, prolonging it will only stunt your ability to move past it. That is what we need to do, so that we may get to the good ending.

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Life, Self Care

How to know when it’s time to let go

Sometimes it’s hard to let go of the things that you feel were close to your heart at some point in your life. Whether it is memories or a person, finding the strength to let go can be challenging. It’s challenging for a variety of reasons. Maybe you just aren’t ready to, maybe holding on to what you know is often comforting. For a lot of people sudden change is scary. However, sometimes change is for the best.

Recognize the endings in your life.

Yes, you read that correctly. Recognize that some things have to end. You may want to deny it, run away, or even hide from that realization, but what you need to understand is that you are letting go of something or someone for a reason. It’s probably the hardest thing to do in the moment. So hard, you can’t even fathom attempting to. Recognizing is your first step. Your first step to letting go.

How to proceed (with caution)

So you understand that letting go is necessary. You begin to allow yourself to take a moment to remember and like leaves in the wind, the memories fly. Some scatter away, lost to the great unknown, and others litter your path. You might step on a couple as you continue down your own path. A slight crunch, might make you remember again. What’s important is to keep walking. Keep going down your path, it’s okay to stop and remember (healing and letting go takes time) but always continue forward.

Remember: We don’t live in the past. We only look back when we need motivation to carry us forward.

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Life, Relationships

How to break the cycle of bad habits

Everyone has habits, some good, and others not so great. Maybe you are trying to quit eating fast food, reduce spending too much, or maybe you just want to start going to bed earlier. Here is one scenario:

You have tried some rituals to get into the habit of going to the gym every day. For awhile it probably works. Five days go by and you seem to be getting into the groove of your new routine. Then the sixth day comes along and you find yourself skipping out on the gym because you felt especially tired after work. It’s only one day. I have been going for five days so far. Not going this one time isn’t going to hurt. Then the seventh day rolls around. Eh, I’m kinda tired today too. Tomorrow I will go for sure. Then tomorrow comes. You know what, I just need some rest, and going to the gym is exhausting. You soon subconsciously find reasons to prolong going to the gym, to the point where you find yourself not going at all.

This becomes a feedback loop of bad habits. Or a cycle of bad habits. What you need to do, is break that cycle.

Recognizing Your Bad Habits

The first thing you should do when trying to break your bad habits is to recognize which ones they are. Make a list of actions you make throughout the day and make a mark next to the ones that aren’t doing you any favors. By knowing what you need to change, you can begin to make an effort to see it through. When deciding what we want to change, we have to ask ourselves who we want to be. Do we want to be a person who is healthy and fit? Then going to the gym is the tool that helps us get there. Now we can start making an effort to go every day and break the habit of setting it aside for another time.

Breaking the Habit

Here is where you start the process of committing to your habit breaking. Perhaps you spend too much time on social media, when you should be studying. To actively break this bad habit, choose to make the habit inaccessible to you. Put app limits on social media. Turn on airplane mode. Shut off your phone entirely. Put your phone in a separate room. By making the habit harder to do, you are make it easier to ignore.

Consistency is key

Once you have established a routine, it is pretty easy to do the habit without needing to think about it at all. However, there may come a day where something could potentially upend your momentum, and soon you may revert to your old ways. What you need to do is to make sure that not only will that not happen, but you are committed to staying consistent. One way of doing in this is through a reward system in which you reward yourself for doing the hard thing for the easy thing.

If I do 3 hours of studying, I can then go on social media afterwards….. If I go to the gym for 30 minutes, then I get to go home and watch my favorite tv show… This “If _____ then ____” reward system, will motivate you to do the harder things for the easier ones. You will begin to associate studying or going to the gym, as good because you will be rewarded in the end. Your efforts did not go unnoticed. This system will be associated as something positive and will make it less resistant to reversion.

Be Gracious to Yourself

Lastly, be gracious to yourself. Breaking a bad habit takes work. But if you keep at it, your work will create results, and those results could very well change your life for the better. When you fall off one day, don’t panic. Just try again. Forgive yourself, and continue to try again. You are only human, and sometimes change doesn’t happen as quickly as we want it. So don’t feel discouraged as you begin the process. Making that first step should be commendable enough.

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Life

Why small talk is important

You’ve probably have in some way participated in small talk. Whether it was talking about the weather, making observations, or having small musings that you shared with a stranger, it is practically inevitable. You’ve heard the saying that humans are social creatures and you have probably seen your extroverted friends socialize almost effortlessly. For some, having small talk is an important social dance that everyone has tangoed to once. Sometimes it can be uncomfortable, but for others, breaking through that initial discomfort can be rewarding.

Small talk is the first step to discovering

One of the criticisms of small talk is that it is something surface level and superficial. It is something that people force themselves to do when trying to socialize. While some people do not mind talking about the weather, others would rather get into the nitty gritty details of life. However, that is not something people naturally do in front of strangers, which is why small talk is needed. Small talk is not used for the sake of keeping things light between strangers, it is also used to create that first contact with another human being. It is the first step in a much more meaningful connection.

Think of the first time you met a friend, a partner, or a coworker. Chances are the first time you talked to them, the conversation was brief and light. You didn’t start talking about your traumas, politics, religion, or any other topic heavy discussion. You tested the waters, talked about how you guys like the same band, realized you both have a beagle, or have been to the same restaurant before. The point is, that things did not progress in your relationships without that small talk. So although people can choose to cringe at small talk, it is important to see the bigger picture. Small talk is significant because it is the first step into building new relationships. Relationships that may or may not become significant in the future. So take that leap, revel in the discomfort, and talk about that lovely weather.

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Life
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