Relationships

How to help people (in the best way possible)

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Awhile ago, I was reading an article in The New York Times* that made me think about the way people react to the problems presented to them. This is specifically referring to when a person is venting their frustrations to you and you find yourself either doing one of two things. Finding solutions or giving comfort.

For some, finding a solution is much more of an appropriate response to someone venting whereas others tend to extend comfort by offering to listen. You may have already figured out which kind you are. While it is great to offer solutions or comfort, it is important to always ask the person who is presenting the problem what they want in that moment.

To some people, they don’t want to hear solutions, they want to feel comforted and heard. While others try to find solutions to fix the problems they struggle with. By asking people if they want advice or comfort, you will be able to help them better in that moment.

What about if you are the one with the problem?

If you are the one conferring with others about a problem you are having and instead of being given what you need in that moment you are getting something else, consider simply telling the person what you need. Hey, I have a problem with ___ can you give me some advice? Or, ___ happened today, I don’t need advice but I just want to talk about it. Do not be afraid of communicating your needs!

Similarly, sometimes it’s hard for some people to give you what you want in that moment. Figuring out how to identify which role a person is able to fill when you need solutions or a hug can also allow your relationships to flow more naturally.

Communicating what you need and what you are being asked for, will help you navigate those tough conversations. Remember, the main goal is to walk away feeling like something was achieved to soothe those worries so that you will feel lighter than you did before.

*Link to The New York Times article https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/07/well/emotions-support-relationships.html

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Life, Relationships

How to know when it’s time to let go

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Sometimes it’s hard to let go of the things that you feel were close to your heart at some point in your life. Whether it is memories or a person, finding the strength to let go can be challenging. It’s challenging for a variety of reasons. Maybe you just aren’t ready to, maybe holding on to what you know is often comforting. For a lot of people sudden change is scary. However, sometimes change is for the best.

Recognize the endings in your life.

Yes, you read that correctly. Recognize that some things have to end. You may want to deny it, run away, or even hide from that realization, but what you need to understand is that you are letting go of something or someone for a reason. It’s probably the hardest thing to do in the moment. So hard, you can’t even fathom attempting to. Recognizing is your first step. Your first step to letting go.

How to proceed (with caution)

So you understand that letting go is necessary. You begin to allow yourself to take a moment to remember and like leaves in the wind, the memories fly. Some scatter away, lost to the great unknown, and others litter your path. You might step on a couple as you continue down your own path. A slight crunch, might make you remember again. What’s important is to keep walking. Keep going down your path, it’s okay to stop and remember (healing and letting go takes time) but always continue forward.

Remember: We don’t live in the past. We only look back when we need motivation to carry us forward.

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Life, Relationships

Why the love you give to yourself fulfills happiness

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Days like Valentine’s Day usually call upon people to spend a little extra time on the people they care about. The holiday is usually equated with couple buying flowers, chocolates, and gifts to one another. Over the years Valentine’s Day has shifted to the love that comes from familiar and unexpected places. It can be celebrated with family, friends, pets, or even that stranger you smile to at the grocery store.

Love should be celebrated

For whatever reason, we may find ourselves not being able to celebrate the big day in the way we would have wanted. Maybe we’ve lost someone, had a friendship break up, estranged from family, or have been single for quite some time. Your reasons are yours to keep. However, it doesn’t mean that we can’t find our own small ways to celebrate the joy of love. Love should be celebrated in any capacity and sometimes the love we find is right under our nose the whole time. It says, “Here I am, it’s me!” and you find yourself thinking, did that come from me? Why yes it did.

Celebrate Yourself

When we celebrate ourselves and the love we hold for our own being we find happiness. The things you would want from other people can be given to yourself. Want flowers? Go buy those flowers. Want care and attention? Schedule a self care day and dedicate the whole day to you. You will find that once you start building a relationship with your own self, the love you give to others will now be treasured by you. You will be giving and receiving, and being able to partake in both can spark happiness. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about spending the day with another person, especially when it may not be an option at the moment, you can focus inwards and give the love you would have given to yourself.

We are all trying to love and be loved in some way. The love you have for you is something that will not change. It goes with you wherever you go, and grows when you water it. Give yourself credit for the love you give and the love you deserve. Gift it to yourself and watch as you find confidence and radiance in its glow.

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Relationships

Building a blog

1 Comment / Relationships / /

I must admit. I have never built a blog like this before. The blogging experience I have is from creating a LiveJournal back when places like MySpace, Flickr, and DailyBooth were popular. I remember enjoying the use of an online journal so to speak. This of course, will not be a journal. This will be a blog. I feel like I need to make that distinction to get in the mindset of putting words to paper, or rather word to screen. It can be a bit daunting.

However after watching a couple tutorials, googling some answers, and then of course going through a lot of trial and error I have finally made an About Me page. Ba dum tss. It took me longer than necessary and after I was able to finally create one, I was reminded of that scene from Spongebob where he writes his essay and the only word he has on the page is a beautiful The. 

I was patient though. I know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. Not that I would compare this blog to Rome. Good things do, however, take time.

Time is one of my favorite subjects and I will probably talk about it often enough in the coming year. For now I will give an update on what the blog will be about. The blog will be about my own musings of course. Things that tickle me. I tried thinking of any niche topics to cover. Books. Movies. Writing, etc. However, I wanted to write about it ALL. So despite what a lot of people say when starting a blog. I don’t wish to cater to one audience. This blog is after-all my outlet. I want it to reflect that. So I will be talking about movies, books, art, my hobbies, life experiences, and any other things that I want to talk about.

What all those topics will have in common is my perceptions and opinions of them. They will be shared here, where viewers will be free to listen or discuss. I hope I was able to provide the foundation for what you will read when visiting my blog. Feel free to give me any input if you are a fellow blogger or a friendly visitor. Until then, adiós!

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Relationships

Hello World

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My name is Jessica Santiago and this is my blog. I have always wanted to start one and I am excited to see how this works. I would love to type more, but unfortunately I hit my head pretty hard about an hour ago (long story) and would love nothing more than to lay down and rest. That being said, the plan was to create this blog today, and my New Year’s resolution has been to not prolong things, specifically happiness. I will get into this more in another post, I promise. However, I need to at least make one post.

For now, I will give a couple details about me. I am a writer. I love to write, I write in journals, I write stories, and sometimes when I am bold I write poetry. As a writer, it almost feels like a rite of passage starting a blog. I am also an avid reader, which, I feel like writing and reading almost usually go hand in hand. I’ll probably read a bit as I lay down even. I also like to draw and paint. I am, I feel, subpar in those areas, but nothing a little practice won’t fix. I also like to learn new languages, I am focusing on Korean at the moment. I am trying to learn guitar, piano will be next. And I like to create, I make TikToks, YouTube videos, and as we can see, blogs.

I don’t want to give too much away just yet, but I’m hoping to make something great here and have some fun doing it. Thanks for reading my first post, till then, adios!

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