Self Care

How to choose happiness every day

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I had a conversation with someone close to me who recounted about a loved one who is going through a hard time. They told me that they are feeling unhappy with where they are in life and that they are unhappy with themselves and their choices. It was hard to hear, especially when the news is about a loved one.

I thought about the ways I could help them. I thought of giving them a huge spiel about how great they are. How it doesn’t do well to dwell on past mistakes. I wanted to give them a little light to take them out of that dark place. This is what I planned to say to them.

Happiness isn’t just handed to you, you have to choose it.

I am a firm believer in the ability to find happiness in anything or any situation. You cannot simply wait for something to happen that will give you happiness. If you tell yourself, Oh, I’ll be happy once I do ___ or when I have ___I will finally be happy. Happiness is not found in objects or constructs. Happiness starts with you.

It’s okay to strive for the things that you feel will truly make you happy. However, you cannot rest your happiness on whether they will come or not. By doing so, you delay your own happiness. You have to choose to be happy every day. It can be easy to when you practice gratitude or indulge in the people, places, or experiences that provide that happiness.

Happiness is not just a feeling, it’s a mindset.

Have you ever met people that just exude unbridled joy? Their presence seemed to fill the whole room with a positive feeling, and you found yourself catching secondhand happiness? Well, guess what. Their lives aren’t perfect. No one’s is! They aren’t happy because they have everything they want, they are happy because they choose to be.

Instead of falling back into negative emotions, thoughts, or situations. Practice steering your thoughts in a positive direction by looking for the good. You missed your bus? Ah, it happens, you just have to catch the next one. You failed a test? That’s okay, just review and do better next time. Someone is making you feel awful? Let them go, and remember the people that cherish you.

Of course, some situations can be truly upsetting. It’s important to find a good support system if you believe you need it. Seek enriching activities that will improve a positive mindset and tend to your mental health. We all have our own daily battles, but don’t forget to look for the good and choose the path of joy. It may take a couple tries, but soon being happy won’t just be a choice, it’ll be your default setting.

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Life, Self Care

Why life needs to fall apart for it to get better

2 Comments / Life, Self Care / /

Have you ever had a really bad day? Where it felt like everything that could go wrong, did?

I had one of those exact days a while ago. It felt like the universe seemed to have it out for me. Chances are you have thought similarly when things go left. Why me? We tend to ask ourselves. The problem with that sort of thinking is one of two reasons. First, is believing that you are at fault for the things you cannot change. Second, is believing you are the only person in the world who has ever had such a rough day.

Nothing is wrong with you.

I want to preface this topic by saying that. Nothing is wrong with you! Sometimes life happens, and it may happen to us at the most inopportune moments. Maybe we had a lot of hope or expectations that were completely destroyed with just a few words or actions. It doesn’t mean we should beat ourselves up over it. My motto is, is to never think of the “should have’s” or the “would not’s”. It’s best not to regret the path you have chosen but instead, to work with what you got. We can’t change our past or what happens to us, all we can do is to change how we think about where we are at in our present moments.

Remember, life gets us all.

It’s very easy to feel defeated by life’s hurdles and it’s perfectly okay to cry, rant, or break a plate or two about it. However, just know that even if things seem to be falling apart everywhere you look, just know you will get through this. There was a time where you felt at peace before the big bad day, and there will be a time of peace after. We get through these tough times one day at a time. It may feel like there is no end in sight, but the end will come. Sometimes things fall apart around us so that we may be able to learn from our experiences. Sometimes it makes us learn things about ourselves as well.

The good ending.

Think of your most worst days, your worst moments. That painful break up, a fight between friends, when you broke your arm, etc. It felt terrible in the moment but sooner or later the pain subsided. You became whole again, your previous worries all but dissipated. That is what will happen after your bad day. Whatever happened, it won’t hurt as much in one week, 3 months, or 10 years from now. So don’t worry about your current pain, it is only here temporarily. It is okay to let yourself cry and fall apart just for a moment, prolonging it will only stunt your ability to move past it. That is what we need to do, so that we may get to the good ending.

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Life, Self Care

What does “Pouring into Yourself” look like?

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You may have heard this phrase often. It is the classic phrase you will hear when you are on some kind of healing journey. Whether it is relationships, grief, or trauma, the phrase is one of many solutions told by us through our friends, family or therapist. But what exactly does it mean?

The Concept

Pouring into yourself is an action you take. The idea is, you have a cup. Everyone does. Your cup is full when you are being emotionally, mentally, or even spiritually fulfilled in some way. Sometimes we pour the contents of our cup into other people’s cups. Let’s say, a family member is going through a rough patch and their cup is depleted. The contents of their cup are barren in an emotional, mental, or spiritual sense. You spend a day with them, and pour contents of your cup into theirs. Whether it’s having a deep conversation or being of service to them. Their cup isn’t so barren in that moment. The concept is, to pour what you give to others, to yourself.

Pouring into your cup is taking care of yourself

So in a sense, pouring into yourself, your own cup means taking care of yourself. It is good, of course, to help others. To allow ourselves to lift up one another when we need it. But it is important to not overextend yourself. Your cup needs to be cared for too. You need to be cared for too. Some people have full cups when they fill the cups of others. That is great. People like that make the world go round. However, there is a difference between having a full cup due to having pride in the work you to do by helping others, and having a full cup from also helping yourself.

Ways to “pour into yourself”

If you haven’t already heard of the ways to pour into yourself more, here is a list of things you can do. Remember, you don’t have to feel pressure to tick off everything off the list. But being able to try and do as many as you can, can help you have a full cup.

  • Creating a Self Care Routine
  • Eating healthy
  • Exercising regularly
  • Resting and sleeping well
  • Mental health monitoring
  • Learning and growing
  • Socializing
  • Setting Boundaries
  • Positive Affirming
  • Practicing spirituality
  • and practicing gratitude daily

Lastly remember that is okay to let yourself feel any kind of emotions you are feeling. Journaling helps for me personally, as well as having a trusted person, or medical professional such as a therapist to talk to. You are not alone in your healing journey. Many people have set foot on this path. Pretty soon, you will be pouring into yourself when it matters most. When our cups are filled, we then have the capacity to fill the cups of the people we have around us.

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Self Care