Awhile ago my cat had been meowing for my attention. I was sitting at the computer doing work when I felt him brush against my leg. I gave him some pets here and there, but ultimately my work became my main focus.
Knowing this, my cat decided to jump onto the swivel chair, at first nuzzling my back as I worked, then climbing higher to be in my line of sight. Once again, I gave him a pet here and there but went back to work. He began to whimper.
I started to rush through my work (which ended up creating even worse work) and realized the best way to deal with the issue was to deal with it in that moment. Sliding my laptop away, I scooped him up and repositioned him so that he would be laying against my chest. I held him firmly and began to coo and pet him gently.
My cat, Bruce, watching over my shoulder as I work
By giving him my undivided attention, he began to purr back satisfied that his mother was finally responding to him. I sat there with him, being present in the moment, listening only to his purrs as they filled the silence. I realized then how easy it was to make him happy.
For some cats like mine, just showing you care and giving them that one on one time is appreciated. I felt that his life was really simple then, only asking for food and water as well as love. I began to look at my own life and reflected about the little things that made me happy.
Petting him there, I realize just how rich he and I were and I was grateful to him for showing me that as well. It was almost a sign to stop overworking myself and take a moment to practice gratitude. I recommend it for everyone to practice daily, not only because of this coming holiday but just because it’s good to recognize all the amazing things life has offered and will offer you.
Birthdays have always been a really special day in my perspective. It is the one day of the year dedicated exclusively to celebrating you and the fact that you exist. I have always cherished my birthdays especially because the years seem to fly by so quickly.
It’s a good time to reflect on how far you have come. It’s also a time to set forth intentions for a new year of living. What can you work on? How do you want to spend your time? What mistakes can you learn from? It’s a time to reassess and realize the things you know, now that you are a little bit older and (hopefully) wiser.
Is it another day?
Some people treat their birthdays like it’s just another day. I have had coworkers and friends tell me they either worked or did absolutely nothing on their birthday. Sometimes I found it heartbreaking, You exist. I want to say, You’re here, and you’re alive, and we get to be involved in this great miracle called life and it’s just another day?
It deeply puzzled me. However, sometimes they truly seemed happy with the way they spent their day. To them, they celebrate the fact that they exist by being present and doing the things they would normally do anyways.
From my little sister Marissa’s 15th birthday party
But why not treat yourself in some way? Your birthday only comes once a year. It is the only time where you can truly feel special and no one can say anything about it. You don’t have to feel guilty over allowing yourself to give and receive (to yourself).
The memories that you will share are reason enough to go out and do something. Whether it is going to a place you have wanted to visit for the longest time, trying something new, or watching that movie you’ve been meaning to watch. The ideas are endless.
Life isn’t short, our time is
Who knows how long our time here is. It’s important to find joy in the fact that we made it another day. We got to wake up in the morning and experience life all over again. These are mini blessings that we take for granted.
Our birthdays are a time to practice reflection, to practice gratitude, to celebrate another year come and gone and the wish to experience many more after. It is also a time for the people around you to appreciate you and spend time with you. As someone who is big on giving hand written cards for birthdays, I find it the perfect opportunity to go into detail about how much the person is appreciated and loved.
My sister Angie celebrating her dog’s 1st birthday with a dog edible cake
As an aside, my birthday is coming up (the reason for this week’s topic), and I have been feeling really reflective about my life so far. I find myself happy about certain milestones. I find motivation to continue to make more progress to my own personal goals.
I am happy to get to reach another year. For some people my age (especially women), turning older seems like a scary thing. I can understand why to some extent. However, getting older is the natural course of the world and there should be nothing scary about it!
Each year is a new stage
There will be moments as you get older where your priorities will shift. A lot of ego deaths as well. The things that seemed to matter to you so much when you were younger don’t seem to be that important any more.
You find interesting new desires and things you would rather accomplish and your purpose becomes sharper. Getting older isn’t scary. It is enlightening. You get to experience for the first time adulthood. Something that was so mysterious to you as a child becomes fun and exciting as you age.
Balloons from my 29th birthday
It also helps when you are surrounded by older women in your life who seem to age so gracefully. You realize you can only get better from here on out, and that’s the secret to birthdays. Birthdays are a signifier of accomplishing and completely another stage of life.
So for those thinking of not doing anything this year or the next, I implore you to at least try doing something for yourself. At least once. You are too important and your presence matters to everyone around you. Walk with pride in being part of this amazing experience of living and changing.
I had a conversation with someone close to me who recounted about a loved one who is going through a hard time. They told me that they are feeling unhappy with where they are in life and that they are unhappy with themselves and their choices. It was hard to hear, especially when the news is about a loved one.
I thought about the ways I could help them. I thought of giving them a huge spiel about how great they are. How it doesn’t do well to dwell on past mistakes. I wanted to give them a little light to take them out of that dark place. This is what I planned to say to them.
Happiness isn’t just handed to you, you have to choose it.
I am a firm believer in the ability to find happiness in anything or any situation. You cannot simply wait for something to happen that will give you happiness. If you tell yourself, Oh, I’ll be happy once I do ___ or when I have ___I will finally be happy. Happiness is not found in objects or constructs. Happiness starts with you.
It’s okay to strive for the things that you feel will truly make you happy. However, you cannot rest your happiness on whether they will come or not. By doing so, you delay your own happiness. You have to choose to be happy every day. It can be easy to when you practice gratitude or indulge in the people, places, or experiences that provide that happiness.
Happiness is not just a feeling, it’s a mindset.
Have you ever met people that just exude unbridled joy? Their presence seemed to fill the whole room with a positive feeling, and you found yourself catching secondhand happiness? Well, guess what. Their lives aren’t perfect. No one’s is! They aren’t happy because they have everything they want, they are happy because they choose to be.
Instead of falling back into negative emotions, thoughts, or situations. Practice steering your thoughts in a positive direction by looking for the good. You missed your bus? Ah, it happens, you just have to catch the next one. You failed a test? That’s okay, just review and do better next time. Someone is making you feel awful? Let them go, and remember the people that cherish you.
Of course, some situations can be truly upsetting. It’s important to find a good support system if you believe you need it. Seek enriching activities that will improve a positive mindset and tend to your mental health. We all have our own daily battles, but don’t forget to look for the good and choose the path of joy. It may take a couple tries, but soon being happy won’t just be a choice, it’ll be your default setting.
Have you ever had a really bad day? Where it felt like everything that could go wrong, did?
I had one of those exact days a while ago. It felt like the universe seemed to have it out for me. Chances are you have thought similarly when things go left. Why me? We tend to ask ourselves. The problem with that sort of thinking is one of two reasons. First, is believing that you are at fault for the things you cannot change. Second, is believing you are the only person in the world who has ever had such a rough day.
Nothing is wrong with you.
I want to preface this topic by saying that. Nothing is wrong with you! Sometimes life happens, and it may happen to us at the most inopportune moments. Maybe we had a lot of hope or expectations that were completely destroyed with just a few words or actions. It doesn’t mean we should beat ourselves up over it. My motto is, is to never think of the “should have’s” or the “would not’s”. It’s best not to regret the path you have chosen but instead, to work with what you got. We can’t change our past or what happens to us, all we can do is to change how we think about where we are at in our present moments.
Remember, life gets us all.
It’s very easy to feel defeated by life’s hurdles and it’s perfectly okay to cry, rant, or break a plate or two about it. However, just know that even if things seem to be falling apart everywhere you look, just know you will get through this. There was a time where you felt at peace before the big bad day, and there will be a time of peace after. We get through these tough times one day at a time. It may feel like there is no end in sight, but the end will come. Sometimes things fall apart around us so that we may be able to learn from our experiences. Sometimes it makes us learn things about ourselves as well.
The good ending.
Think of your most worst days, your worst moments. That painful break up, a fight between friends, when you broke your arm, etc. It felt terrible in the moment but sooner or later the pain subsided. You became whole again, your previous worries all but dissipated. That is what will happen after your bad day. Whatever happened, it won’t hurt as much in one week, 3 months, or 10 years from now. So don’t worry about your current pain, it is only here temporarily. It is okay to let yourself cry and fall apart just for a moment, prolonging it will only stunt your ability to move past it. That is what we need to do, so that we may get to the good ending.
You may have heard this phrase often. It is the classic phrase you will hear when you are on some kind of healing journey. Whether it is relationships, grief, or trauma, the phrase is one of many solutions told by us through our friends, family or therapist. But what exactly does it mean?
The Concept
Pouring into yourself is an action you take. The idea is, you have a cup. Everyone does. Your cup is full when you are being emotionally, mentally, or even spiritually fulfilled in some way. Sometimes we pour the contents of our cup into other people’s cups. Let’s say, a family member is going through a rough patch and their cup is depleted. The contents of their cup are barren in an emotional, mental, or spiritual sense. You spend a day with them, and pour contents of your cup into theirs. Whether it’s having a deep conversation or being of service to them. Their cup isn’t so barren in that moment. The concept is, to pour what you give to others, to yourself.
Pouring into your cup is taking care of yourself
So in a sense, pouring into yourself, your own cup means taking care of yourself. It is good, of course, to help others. To allow ourselves to lift up one another when we need it. But it is important to not overextend yourself. Your cup needs to be cared for too. You need to be cared for too. Some people have full cups when they fill the cups of others. That is great. People like that make the world go round. However, there is a difference between having a full cup due to having pride in the work you to do by helping others, and having a full cup from also helping yourself.
Ways to “pour into yourself”
If you haven’t already heard of the ways to pour into yourself more, here is a list of things you can do. Remember, you don’t have to feel pressure to tick off everything off the list. But being able to try and do as many as you can, can help you have a full cup.
Creating a Self Care Routine
Eating healthy
Exercising regularly
Resting and sleeping well
Mental health monitoring
Learning and growing
Socializing
Setting Boundaries
Positive Affirming
Practicing spirituality
and practicing gratitude daily
Lastly remember that is okay to let yourself feel any kind of emotions you are feeling. Journaling helps for me personally, as well as having a trusted person, or medical professional such as a therapist to talk to. You are not alone in your healing journey. Many people have set foot on this path. Pretty soon, you will be pouring into yourself when it matters most. When our cups are filled, we then have the capacity to fill the cups of the people we have around us.
